There is Never a Good Time:  Career vs Motherhood

I found out I was pregnant the same day I helped shut down a company.

I was 29. The startup was done. I had spent the last few weeks laying off every person I had hired. A grown man cried in front of me.  On top of that I had just found out that in eight months, I was about to become a mother for the first time.

No plan. No safety net. Just a next move I hadn’t figured out yet.

That next move was PLATINUM Technologies. To this day, the best company that I have ever worked for (that’s for another post). Exciting work in data. I said yes before I finished reading the offer.

Then came the conversation I had been dreading…I had to tell my new boss I was pregnant.

His name was Scott. We went to lunch (which was the norm for every new hire). I sat across from him and said exactly what I had rehearsed:

“Thank you for taking a chance on me.  However, I just found out I’m pregnant. I’m going to work for eight months, have the baby, take maternity leave, and come back.  I understand this might not be what you wanted to hear, and if you are not ok with it, then I am willing to walk away”

He took a deep breath.

Here’s what that breath felt like. It was 1995. I had just come out of a bankrupt company. I needed this job. I was also prepared to walk away if the answer was wrong.

Both things were true at the same time.  I wasn’t fearless. I was prepared.

There’s a difference.

Fearless means you’re not scared. Prepared means you’re scared and you walk in anyway, with a plan for the yes and a plan for the no.

He said yes, as long as you’re coming back, let’s make this work.  We both did not know it back then, but he became my first ally on this motherhood vs career journey I was embarking on.

Fast forward 30 years, we still keep in touch.  

Nobody tells you that going back to work after a baby is not only emotional, but mostly logistics.

There’s no philosophy. No balance. There’s a 6am feeding in the dark, just you and the baby…cherishing the time together and the unique bond that is formed with a mother and child.  

Then BOOM and a clock starts running and we are PIVOTING. 

Burp them, change them. Hand them to the spouse, who was also getting ready, shower, dress, pack up the diaper bag, pack your own bag, buckle up in the car seat and off you go!  

I was one of the lucky ones, my husband was an equal partner in all of it.  Not helpful. EQUAL.

There’s a difference, and it made everything else possible (I’ll share in another post)

Then the drive to daycare or my parents, depending on the day. Praying the baby doesn’t throw up on the highway. Because if he does, you pull over. You clean him up. You check yourself. You get back on the road.

Drop-off is always tearful. Sometimes his. Sometimes mine.

Then the drive to work. Checking your clothes in the rearview mirror for anything that doesn’t belong there. Squeezing in the makeup at the stoplights and then somewhere between the parking lot and the elevator, you turn on the switch.

Mom mode -> executive mode.

This was 1995. Dresses, stockings, looking the part no matter what happened on the highway. The marketing team worked on the floor directly above me. Before exec meetings I’d run upstairs and borrow a suit that fit my new mommy body because that was the expectation.

And I met it. Every time.

The bar didn’t lower because I had a baby. I just got better at clearing it.

The village doesn’t appear on its own. You build it. Deliberately. Before you need it.

My husband. My parents. Scott, who said yes at that lunch and meant it. The women upstairs who always had something that fit.

Every working mother navigating a career in tech, or any industry, needs that village. The people who show up without being asked. The boss who defends you in meetings you weren’t in. The partner who is genuinely, equally in it with you.

There is never a perfect time to have a baby when you’re building a career. So you figure it out. You ask for what you need. You build the support around you.

To the woman reading this late at night with a baby finally asleep, wondering if she can really do both.

She can.

It will all be ok.